Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
