they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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