There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
