Hey man sorry I got all grabby
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
