Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
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Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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