were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
