my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.