Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
