I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.