Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
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I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
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Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.