you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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