Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
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There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
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Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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