Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
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I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
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Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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