Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
