Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
