Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
