She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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