Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
that is very illegal...i love you.
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