i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
porn star boner night. come get it.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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