You really coming over, don't trick.
i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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