When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
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