We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
