i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
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