There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
