she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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