Whod you bang
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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