Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
