Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
