there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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