i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
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