It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
