My Higher Power is John Stamos
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
