guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
