oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
