careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this boner is exhausting
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
