Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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