i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Randomize
