Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
