just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
