just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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