The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
