i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
