ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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