Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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