Whod you bang
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
