i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
