he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
