but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
