And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize