P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
