Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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