people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
