my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
