Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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