new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
