he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
