He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
