i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
