no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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