Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Randomize
