I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
