Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
