Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
