I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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