Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
